Bob the Wealthy Widower

17 09 2007

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age”, Bob replies.

“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”

https://i0.wp.com/vizu.typepad.com/vizuble/images/old_man.jpg

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Guts or Balls

22 06 2007

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below…

GUTS – is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS – is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

Got this joke in my email in box today, and it amused me. . . .

picture source 





An infinite number of monkeys, on an infinite number of typewriters. . .

19 04 2007

click here for more comics by Phil . . .





2 Kids in the Hospital (joke)

14 04 2007

Two little kids are in a hospital lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”
The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

The first kid says, “A circumcision.”

“Whoa!” the second kid replies, “Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year.”





A Camel is Horse Designed by Committee

22 03 2007

 

 

artwork by art.com





A Quick History of Blogging

15 03 2007

 





Do Not Feed The Animals

10 03 2007

Do Not Feed The Animals – Do not laugh at this joke.  Another Dad Special. . . my dad likes to think he is a really really funny guy.  People tell me all the time how funny he is. . . .  .is he funny?  I got this joke in my email over the weekend from dearest Dad. .  . . 

Remember, I warned you,  do not feed the animals. . .  .

do not feed

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.” Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.”She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?”(you’re gonna love this)(its a real treat)(a masterpiece)(wait for it)The bank manager looks back at her and says…“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”(You’re singing it, aren’t you?  Yeah, I know you are……..)Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!