The Shelf

28 06 2007

I have huge boobs.

Yup. Huge.

Massive in fact.

They more of a “shelf” than a rack actually. . . .

(nope, these are not mine – but see I’m not a prude with boobies.)

I don’t remember when they ‘grew’. Quite simply they weren’t there one day, and very much ‘there’ the next.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed having big boobs. I’ve used them to my advantage once or twice. . . . . 😉 They certainly are attention grabbers, and have been topics of conversation as well.

But on a whole, I really wish they were a tad (ok, a alot) smaller than they are . . . .

My husband thinks I am the messiest eater on earth, the truth is my tits are right out there in the front, and the stuff that naturally falls from anyone’s fork falls directly on my shelf. There is simply nothing I can do, barring Duct taping those puppies down, and even then I suspect I might need more than a roll. At least my pants are always clean.

The quest for the perfect over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder (aka a Bra) is an ever ending Holy Grail-esque search. Once you’ve been fitted (Ladies, if you have never been actually fitted for a bra, I recommend it – it is ‘invasive’, but not nearly as invasive as the ever popular cold instrument/stir-up combo of the gyno exam) you’ll truly appreciate when the ol’girls are up where they oughta be and pointing in the right direction. Even though I go for regular fittings, most times I need to special order bras, its been a very long time since I could buy “off the rack”. Perhaps if I could buy “off the shelf” I’d be ok. 😉

I’ve been very lucky not to suffer any significant back pain from them, I have contemplated lying to the doctor about pain in order to get a national health care covered reduction. But that would be wrong, wouldn’t it? 😉

But then again, shouldn’t I be thankful that if I’m ever on a sinking ship, I have my own built in personal floatation devices? Of course then there is the running for my life to the water, in which my personal flotation devices then become relevant. That requires some fancy rigging, taping and squishing. This (of course) is for the safety of others and not necessarily for myself. Trust me, you don’t want to hit with one of those in mid-motion.

The necessity of any strapping contraption is bar-none increased by doing any exercise or sport. Usually I require one full-support under-wire bra, 2 sports bras and a tank with a built in bra to hold them down (again just so I don’t knock any one out accidentally). I believe the ordeal of getting ready to use the gym burns about 400 calories, and I burn about 300 to take off the strapping contraption afterwards.

I’ve always laughed at the expression “tuning in Tokyo” simply because I’m certain my transistors probably get digital radio, 200 channels in high definition.

I’ve wondered once or twice if perhaps I should have looked at jobs or careers that exploit my “profits” for profit. Maybe I didn’t hear my calling to be a Hooters Girl, but to be honest I’ve never thought that orange was my colour. In the same ta-ta wonderings, I’ve thought about what it would be like to be a handful, rather than a heaping over-flowing (baseball) glove full.

Ennh, who knows. . . . .perhaps I’m just being a boob. . . . .

Introduction to getting a Good Fit Bra

A badly fitting bra is not only a fashion faux pas, it can be extremely uncomfortable. Yet, many women unwittingly wear the wrong size. Getting properly fit is the first step to finding a bra that makes you look and feel your best.

Instructions

Everyday bras

 

Step One

Go to a lingerie or department store and suss out an experienced salesperson to measure you.

Step Two

 

Try on a variety of styles. Underwires increase support, push-up bras enhance cleavage, and thicker padding adds inches.

 

Step Three

Lean forward at the waist and pull the bra away from your breasts by the straps so that your breasts fall naturally into the cups. The band should fit snugly but not dig into your flesh. If it’s too tight, go to the looser hook or try a larger size. If the bra doesn’t feel comfortably snug or it feels like your breasts might fall out below, tighten the hooks or go to a smaller band size.

 

Step Four

Adjust the shoulder straps so that they feel snug but don’t dig into your shoulders.

 

Step Five

Walk around, jump up and down, and swing your arms around to test comfort and support.

Sports bras

 

Step One

Shop at a store where you feel comfortable. The staff should be helpful and able to answer your questions knowledgeably. Or shop online at a merchant such as Title9Sports.com, which has a vast selection of sports bras including one that holds up to size 40DDDs, as well as a nursing sports bra.

 

Step Two

Put the bra on. You’ll have three choices: pulling it on over your head, fastening it in front, and closing it in the back. It should feel comfortable when you put it on. Large-breasted women should check that there’s no pressure on the shoulders.

 

Step Three

Inspect how the bra is built. There should be no exposed metal or hardware, which will irritate by the end of your workout. Quality bras have plush lining surrounding all metal pieces.

 

Step Four

Jump up and down to gauge movement. Women up to an average D cup are best off with a compression bra, while full Ds need an encapsulation bra to minimize movement. Ask if you can testdrive the bra and take a run around the block.

 

Step Five

Read the label to find out what the fabric content is. Virtually every sports bra has a coolmax/lycra lining for wicking. The outer fabric, aside from looking great, lends support and maintains shape. Pure cotton won’t wick, but a cotton/polyester/lycra blend is very supportive. Skin that chafes easily will be happiest in a poly/lycra blend. Many bras use a supplex/lycra/cotton mix for superior wicking. See How to Buy Performance Workout Clothing for more information on high-tech fabrics and blends.

 

Step Six

Pick a fabric blend that maximizes performance. Women with A and B cups can choose almost any fabric and still maintain their shape. Cs and Ds need to look for more supportive blends.

 

Step Seven

Live well and sweat hard even if you wear a prosthesis. Several bras accommodate prostheses, such as The Grace Bra by Moving Comfort (movingcomfort.com).

First bras

 

Step One

Be supportive and buy your daughter a bra, even if you think she doesn’t need one. If all her friends have bras, she’ll want to fit in.

 

Step Two

Take her to a department or specialty store where an experienced, professional sales woman can properly fit her.

 

Step Three

Skip the fitting if it’s just too excruciating and select a sport-style bra that fits snugly but not tightly around her rib cage.

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24 responses

29 06 2007
brahnamin

i think you should include pictures in each section

30 06 2007
Joey

yeah yeah yeah, suuuuuuuuuuure.

30 06 2007
Joey

🙂

18 07 2007
Maggie

Well…they really are not THAT big. Nice however…

~M~

18 07 2007
Joey

hahahah, that picture isn’t me!

Are you mad? Put a picture of my own tits? Nopers!

🙂

I nicked that picture from the interwebs 🙂

Trust me, my boobs are HUGE!

hahahahahahahahahahahah

22 07 2007
Paul fowler

My wife has hugr boobs so I know how you feel and look. it cost a fortune for bras. but they do do look good with a good bra.

Paul

23 07 2007
Joey

Thanks for your understanding Paul.

thanks for stopping by.

29 07 2007
Shailee

What the hell? Why would you make a site about how big your boob’s are..? Thats fucked.

29 07 2007
Joey

Shailee.

Its a personal blog. About me. And guess what.. . . as a girl, I have boobs.

The “fucked” part is that this is the entry that brought you to my site. . . .

What the “fuck” were you searching for when you got here.

Hummmmmmmm.

Perv!

Thanks for stopping by, thanks for commenting, but don’t come back please

negativity on such a grand scale, not allowed. . . .

buh-bye!

29 07 2007
why

yes boobs are nice girls who talk about there boobs are even better

30 07 2007
Joey

thanks. . . .

. . . I think.

31 07 2007
scott

my wife is an f cup what cup are you why am i even responding i don’t even know how i got here but it’s all good

31 07 2007
Joey

thats ok Scott. . . .

hahahah.

F or G depending on the bra. . . .

9 08 2007
J9

My husband once said his dream job would be being a bra fitter – after all, these days in the UK employees are not allowed to be sexist! He said, If he had this job he’d do overtime for free. Hmmmmm….

9 08 2007
Joey

You’ve got to love what you do. ….

9 08 2007
Frank Zappa

I bet Shailee is flat chested and she is hating! Besides that I think a forum for women to discuss breasts, boobies, knockers, juggs etc is cool. My wife is a 36 D and she has problems finding the right gear. A great bra is worth it as it makes her look even better. After nearly 18 years of marriage I’ve seen many a bra go by the wayside. It’s never ending saga. Big boobies rule!

Fan of the Boobie

9 08 2007
Joey

Thanks Frank.

How are the kids? Moon, Dweezil and the others. . . .

24 08 2007
Carlo

Hola

I Like Boobs and girls who talk about it!!!

nice picture..

Los senos grandes son la neta!!

25 08 2007
Joey

Carlo – thanks for stopping by

To all the ‘haters’ out there of this post, feel free to email me joeydg (at) gmail (dot) com.

No need to post your filth on my blog thanks!

13 09 2007
Nat

hey! i like ur tips for buying a good bra. i am thinking maybe i will have to get a custom made one soon, definently in the future. I am only 16, but i’m already a DD cup. the problem is, i’m really petite everywhere else, so i can never find bras that fit me both in cup, round th midde and (especially) over my little shoulders :(. I usually get a 10DD (32DD), but my ideal would probably be an 8DD.. unfortunately i have never found one ‘on the racks’. do u have any suggestions for finding somewhere that does custom fittings?

totally sympathise with the messy eating thing. kinda handy sumtimes tho.. when i am slouching down on the couch, i can rest my drink or plate on them! cool..

13 09 2007
Joey

Hey Nat. . . .

If you don’t have a dress and lingerie making right in the phone books, try your local bridal salon. If they don’t have anyone on site, they would most likely have a host of “recommended” seamstresses in your area. . . .

Thanks for understanding! I’m glad someone out there does. . . . .

Joey

15 09 2007
Nat

haha no worries. us girls gotta stick together. especially us girls with huge jonkers.
this is like, the coolest blog entry i have ever read.
so funny and soooo relevant for me.

thanks for the advice ill totally try that.

stay proud!

xxNat

16 09 2007
Joey

Thanks Nat! I appreciate the encouragement!

1 11 2007
Benny

Wow they are pretty huge, I like them, they’re very sexy!!!!

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