A Message to Our Pets

31 01 2007

For even more cute kittens!  Click here 

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height.


Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does

not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that

aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me

to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about

this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your

comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It

is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the

fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and

having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years — canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!

But I love you dearly, and wouldn’t trade you for anything.

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

  1. They live here. You don’t
  2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (That’s why they call it “fur”niture.)
  3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
  4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

  1. Eat less
  2. Don’t ask for money all the time
  3. Are easier to train
  4. Normally come when called
  5. Never ask to drive the car
  6. Don’t have to worry about them trying drugs
  7. Don’t smoke or drink
  8. Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
  9. Never have to wash stinky gym clothes
  10. Don’t want to wear your clothes
  11. Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college

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9 responses

31 05 2007
raven henry

I hate to make this your first comment, but it is , so, yeah. I am a kid and I usually like visiting your website. After reading this article, I’m very offended. Not all kids use alcohol or drugs or smoke. As a matter of fact, VERY few of them do. You are writing according to a steriotype. There may be ten kids out of about 700 kids in my school that smoke, do drugs, deal with alcohol, or anything like that.

I don’t ever ask for my mom’s money because I know that she’s worked hard for it.

I don’t eat very much either. You can ask everyone at school that. Every day I’m called annerexic or something of the sort.

Also, I can’t even drive yet either. When you said that kids always ask to drive, that’s another steriotype. My sister can drive, but she doesn’t ever ask to.

Another thing, I can’t even fit into my mom’s clothing.

How is it possible for these two statements of your’s to be true:
Kids always have to have the latest fashions,
They always ask to wear your clothes.

All of my mom’s clothing is out of style and I wouldn’t ask to wear it if I had to.
What’s so wrong with wearing the latest fashions? At least we’re updated.

31 05 2007
Joey

Thank you for your comment.

To each their own. . . . . .

You will note, that I have linked the sources where those letters came from. . .

It was something I found online at made me laugh. I need not justify myself for that.

I’m sure as you get a little older, you will start to see the humour, and how sterotypes are often exagerated for the sake of humor.

I hope you continue to read my blog. . . .

Joey

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