Bob the Wealthy Widower

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age”, Bob replies.

“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”

Take a Seat?

Have you ever been out somewhere and so tired on your feet you needed to rest, lean up on a wall or find a place to sit?

Especially in the “big cites” in Europe, you a likely to be greeted by any of the following deterrents.

Found this website by chance during a routine web-’trolling’, they cleverly called these deterrents the “Anti-Sits”

Technorati Profile

They Think I’m in a Same-Sex Partnership

Colin and I were out today doing errands (buying tupperware and a weedwacker to be precise)

We were chatting about how we talk to one another, as I was remarking how even when there is just the two of us, I still use his name as a talk.  . . “What do you think about ‘this’ Colin?”  “What would you like for dinner Colin” “Colin pick up your socks in the bedroom”.   Since he is usually the only one in the room the need for using his name is mute.

I asked him how often he uses my name in a day, and he says not very often.  I’m puzzled, why not Colin? I ask him.

Well, saying “My wife” is a heck of a lot easier to explain than “Joey” – everyone thinks I’m in a gay partnership!

We ARE in Montreal, after all. . .  .

Goggle Image Meme

I got tagged by SkyWindows with this new and pretty original  meme.

The rules of this meme are simple:

1) Go to http://www.Google.com

2) Click on Google images

3) Type in your name and search

4) Repost (w/ a link) the picture of the oddest, craziest, strangest, coolest, oldest, etc. person that shares your name. Post multiples if you find a few you like.  (See Below)

5) Pass it on to at least 5 other people.

Lake Clean

Colin and I are going to a friends cottage next weekend, and then up to the big nickel to see P&K.

Power of Schmooze

Joeymoggie has the power of Schmooze!!

Mirror Mirror on the Floor

Colin and I got several mirrors from my mom as an anniversary gift.  We have a wall leading downstairs I plan to put about 10 mirrors of different sizes and shapes on.

I was using one of the mirrors in the bedroom last week, when I put foam rollers in my hair, and its been sitting against the wall in the bedroom since.

I cause my stunningly handsome cat, Marty, watching himself in the mirror today . . .

Sitting upright and proud, shoulders back, tail wooshing back and forth behind him. . . .

He looked like he was smiling as he titled his head from side to side to get a better look.

He has stationed himself in front of the mirror for his naps as well.

How vain!  How drole!

I love my Marty Cat.

Monday Melee (July 9 2007)

A Fracas Project! You’re invited to participate. Get details and see the participant list here.

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The Monday Melee Questions:

The exercise edition

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

I wish good health was simply about BEING healthy, not trying to obtain someone else’s perfect body. I am, and will always be, “thick”. I cannot be a size “0″ without being ill. I could be one rocking size 12 though. Thats an obtainable goal.

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2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

Get slim quick schemes. You’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it twice, now your going to hear it again. Healthy diet choices and exercise are the only sure-fire way to lose weight and get in better shape.

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3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

That I’ve let myself go.

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4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

Colin. He wants to help me. (And help himself too as a result)

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5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

I made the first step today. Colin and I went for an after dinner bike ride. Only about 20 minutes or so, but it felt good to make that first step.

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6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

That it easier to make change.

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(Wo)Man in the Mirror

With Canada Day, and American Independance Day last week, I was certainly well surprised to learn my blog has been bestowed with another award.   Not only is this award a very cool award, this one is named after me too. . .  . .

 

The Joey: A Star-Spangled Maple Leaf, For Tirelessly and Intelligently Promoting Canadian-American Relations.

Naan Bread

I have a big deadline at work coming up, so I’ve been staying later to get more work done.

I intended to stay to about 7-8pm on Friday, so I had less to do during the weekend. I called Colin to confirm where/when I was going to pick him up (we’re still a ‘one car’ family)

He says to me (in the funniest little grumpy man voice) “I don’t want to stay at work, they are having curry and someone always eats my Naan bread”.

I could just imagine him sitting there, slouched in his chair with his armed crossed, pouting.

Yes, my 31 year old big, full bearded husband – pouting.

Does anyone remember “The Dinosaurs”??

NOT THE MAMA. . . . I’M THE BABY

Who took my Naan bread. . . .

Emo Image Thursday

Emo Image Thursday is a weekly feature at joeymoggie, click the Emo Image Thursday button on the sidebar for more Emo Images. Click the image directly to go to the source.

emo image thursday

Mixed Messages

After my recent discussion about Rosie O’Donnell, I thought it would be interesting to see if I had an R rating on my blog, and low and behold I do.  Remember from here, I was rated as a ‘PG-13′ site

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• lesbian (4x)
• gay (3x)
• poop (2x)
• penis (1x)

I checked again today, for shits and giggles. and check this out! Now I’m NC-17!!!!

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• lesbian (4x)
• gay (3x)
• poop (2x)
• penis (1x)

But note, its the same words for both the R Rating and the NC-17 rating.

Weird. . . .

Either way, this rating thing is having me laughing. . . . .I must thank the lesbians. . .
Thank you!

Monday Melee (July 2 2007)

A Fracas Project! You’re invited to participate. Get details and see the participant list here.

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The Monday Melee Questions: WORK EDITION

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

That hard work, effort and drive aren’t always rewarded if you aren’t in the “click” at work.

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2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

That women and men (of the same caliber) aren’t always paid the same for the same job.

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3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

Working holidays. I want a long weekend!

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4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

Bobby, His father (who also works with us) passed away over the weekend and he still came into to work to clear out his dad’s things and to sort work out because he will be away for most of the week. Today is a national holiday, and the general office is closed.

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5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

I’m good at my job, and even though I don’t always get the recognition and compensation I crave and I’d like for a job well done I know I’d be noticeably missed if I wasn’t here.

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6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

A raise.

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Dangerous new VIRUS!!!!

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life – Completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store.
Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

 

Picture Source. (in case you are wondering, that is a picture of the herpes virus. ewwww)

When Your Toilet Gets Clogged

 

OK fine.  I ADMIT it.  I flushed a *few* paper towels down the toilet.

I was cleaning it at the time.

Anyways, long story short – the toilet clogged and over flowed.

We needed a solution FAST that didn’t include phoning out one of those truly expensive all-night plumbers.

We Googled it.

1. Empty out as much water from the bowl as you can
2. Poor a half cup of (good quality) liquid dish soap.  Let it sit for 10-15 minutes
3. Boil a large kettle or pot of water
4. Poor the boiling water into the bowl.  Let sit another 10-15 minutes.
5. Plunge as usual
6. Flush and VOILA.  The clog will be gone.

As a side note, do not put ‘Liquid Plumber’ into toilets.  It says so right on the package, but last night when I made the run for dish soap I bought a bottle, just in case.  I didn’t read it until I got home (who reads labels anyways. . .  .