Funny News Headlines

1. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
2. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
3. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
4. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
5. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
6. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
7. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
8. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
9. Farmer Bill Dies in House
10. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
11. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
12. Stud Tires Out
13. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
14. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
15. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
16. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
17. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
18. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
19. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
20. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
21. If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
22. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
23. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
24. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
25. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
26. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
27. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
28. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
29. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
30. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
31. Include your Children when Baking Cookies
32. War Dims Hope for Peace
33. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
34. Eye Drops off Shelf
35. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
36. Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
37. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
38. Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
39. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
40. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
41. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
42. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in 84
43. Steals Clock, Faces Time
44. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
45. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
46. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
47. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
48. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
49. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
50. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
51. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
52. Air Head Fired
53. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
54. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
55. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

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Funny Stories in the News

I came across some funny stories today on line, here are a few tidbits.

A Little Gas

A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (about $240)
for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde,
the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer
that his cow was passing flatulent gas; to demonstrate, the
vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a “four-legged
flame-thrower” and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was
unharmed. AP

Anna Nicole Lives On!

The spirit of our favourite tragically flawed celebrity Playmate, Anne Nicole Smith, lives on in 22 year old Kristin Georgi – who recently married 84 year old Joe Hardy (a wealthy lumber magnate) in a private ceremony in Las Vegas.  He is 62 years her senior, and well old enough to be her grandpapie. . .

I wonder what the bookie’s odds are when this old chappie will croak!??

I wonder what the prenup says. . .  . .

   

Talk About ‘HAPPY’ Meal

A New Zealand Grandmother found a green wrapped condom in her 7 year old grand daughters happy meal. . . .

 I tell you, the toys in the happy meals just get better and better since I was a kid!

Story & Link below

Clogs Clog Medical Machinery. What a load of Croc!

  

I came across this story from Sweden, apparently my FAVOURITE comfort shoes (Crocs) are interferring with medical equipement in the hospitals, and are now being banned.

 What is the world coming to, nooooooooo!

 I adore my Crocs (I have two pairs, one regular pair, and the Mary-Jane’s style).  They are bar-none the most comfortable pairs of shoes I own.  Every person should own at least one pair.

I don’t think the story is a Croc, but those that read by blog know how I enjoy a good play on words. . . . .

Wear a White Ribbon for Virginia Tech Massacre Victims

  

As a Canadian, and now someone who lives in Montreal – The White Ribbon Campaign is something we are all aware of, and take part in every year. The white ribbon campaign is specifically Men Againist Violence Aganist Woman.

This campaign was started in 1991 after the school masscare at Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal.  A lone gunman, Marc Lepine,  killed 14 woman before killing himself on December 6th, 1989.

Are You SMARTER than a 5th Grader??? 5th-graders accused of sex in Louisiana school

Late March I made an entry about a little daughter of one of my co-workers, she is six, and the little ‘sex’ song she came up with – read about it here.  That amuzed and worried me.. . . . then  I stumbbled across the below posted article, about 5th graders having sex in an unsupervised class room.

My jaw dropped, not only for the pure fact that its about 11 year old fornicating, but by how severe the penalities may be for these children.   Shocked yes, do I agree,  is it unfair.  I’m not sure.

I’m just shocked. I’m not sure how to wrap my head around it.  Problems of our kids are far more grave than they were when we were children.

When did sex become a “problem” for pre-teens?   Parents, have you had “the talk” with you teeny boppers?

FIFA dragged into Canadian row over girl´s hijab

Source: about.com (What Age do Muslim Girls start to wear the Hijab?)

Source:  Antara 

Source: Soccerway  Written by: AFP

MONTREAL (AFP) – A young girl’s expulsion from a tournament this weekend for wearing a hijab will be upheld by Quebec soccer officials, they said Monday, unless the world soccer federation FIFA changes gear rules.

Asmahan Mansour, 11, was ousted from a tournament on Sunday in a Montreal suburb after refusing to take off her hijab, the head scarf many Muslim women wear under religious principles.

Brigitte Frot, executive director of the Quebec Soccer Federation, told AFP she was not allowed on the field for safety reasons, not religious objections.

“It’s unfortunate,” she said. “I believe FIFA will have to rule, yes or no, whether hijabs are permitted on the soccer field. Whatever they decide, we’ll abide by the rules.”

Until then, however, Mansour and other Muslim women would not be allowed to play soccer in Canada’s French-speaking Quebec province while wearing a head scarf, she said.

The incident that sparked a national outcry occurred about five minutes into a game Sunday, when the Nepean coach wished to substitute Mansour, who was not in the starting line-up, for another player.

Media reports said the referee, who is coincidentally Muslim himself, feared Mansour could be choked if the scarf were tugged on.

“Based on FIFA rules, the referee asked the young girl to remove her hijab, fearing it posed a danger to her and other players. She refused,” Frot said.

Mansour’s Nepean Hotspurs Selects team quit the tournament to show solidarity with their teammate. Four other teams also joined the boycott.

Rules of the Zurich-based FIFA, which governs international soccer play, do not specify a ban on head scarves.

But Frot insisted local players are covered by FIFA’s strict dress code, which bans any equipment or wear, including jewellery, that could be dangerous to players.

The Quebec federation had previously disallowed players who wore piercing rings or medical bracelets, she noted.

What a sad story, sad on two fronts.  The first is simply that this child cannot partake in a common childhood event – soccer.  The second is that this even has to be an issue.

In all honesty, an 11 year old girl did not come up with this idea for a battle on her own, it is most common in Muslim customs for girls of puberty age and older to wear the hijab, because they are affirming their beliefs and roll in the Muslim society, no small decision for a child.  Sadly I believe she was forced into starting a battle.

Although, the rules in Ontario and Quebec differ for their soccer associations.  Ontario uses the rules of the Canadian federation for soccer, while Quebec uses a variation of the FIFA rules.  Canadian rules allow for reglious head dress, while the Quebec rules were not clear (hense the reason this has come up as a debate)

I’m trying to see what FIFA would not allow the Hijab.  The only reasoning I can come up with is that they would have to rule it yeah or ney for all relgious head dresses, take the Sihk turban one could argue that it could be used as additional padding and provide an unfair advantage.

What do you think?

Rules To Live By ::: New Rules for Immigrants in Rural Quebec Town

Source Source

OTTAWA, Canada (Reuters) — Immigrants to the small Quebec town of Herouxville must not stone women in public, burn them alive or throw acid on them, according to an extraordinary set of rules made public by the local council.

The declaration, published on the town’s Web site, has deepened a debate in the predominantly French-speaking Canadian province over how tolerant Quebecers should be toward the customs and traditions of immigrants.

“We wish to inform these new arrivals that the way of life which they abandoned when they left their countries of origin cannot be recreated here,” said the declaration, which also says women are allowed to drive, vote, dance, write checks, dress as they want, work and own property.

“Therefore we consider it completely outside these norms to … kill women by stoning them in public, burning them alive, burning them with acid, circumsizing them, etc.”

No one on the town council was immediately available for comment Tuesday. Herouxville, which has 1,300 inhabitants, is about 100 miles (160 km) northeast of Montreal.

André Drouin, the councilor who came up with the idea of the declaration, told the National Post newspaper that the town was not racist.

“We invite people from all nationalities, all languages, all sexual orientations, whatever, to come live with us, but we want them to know ahead of time how we live,” he said.

The regulations say girls and boys can exercise together and people should only be allowed to cover their faces at Halloween. Children must not take weapons to school, although the Supreme Court of Canada has already ruled that Sikh boys have the right to carry ceremonial daggers.

Frosted windows to avoid offense

The Herouxville declaration is part of a wider discussion over “reasonable accommodation,” or how far Quebecers should be prepared to change their customs so as not to offend immigrants. Figures from the 2001 census show that around 10 percent of Quebec’s 7.5 million people were born outside Canada.

Last year a Montreal gym agreed to install frosted windows after a nearby Hassidic synagogue said it was offended by the sight of adults exercising.

Newspapers say a Montreal community center banned men from prenatal classes to respect Hindu and Sikh traditions, and an internal police magazine suggested women police officers leave interviews with Hassidic Jews to their male colleagues.

Survey: 59 percent admit to racist feelings

Earlier this month the Journal de Montreal published a poll showing that 59 percent of those surveyed admitted to harboring some kind of racist feelings.

Montreal’s police force is investigating one of its officers after it emerged that he had posted an anti-immigrant song on the Internet.

Some teachers have complained that Jewish and Muslim colleagues get extra paid time off for religious holidays.

The Herouxville declaration is available, in English and in French, at the “avis public” section of the town’s Web site, http://municipalite.herouxville.qc.ca.

A step forward or a step backwards? (I have to come back to revisit this topic, I just can’t wrap my head around it)

Bombs over Ile Perrot

Source

Car firebombed during Ile Perrot council meeting

Outspoken critic says he had planned to ask tough questions about budget

Denis Laflamme was preparing to ask the mayor of Notre Dame de l’Ile Perrot some tough questions at a monthly council meeting Tuesday night when someone burst into the council chamber, saying a black Honda Civic was on fire in the parking lot.

There goes the freaking neighbourhood. I live in a leafy little burb of Montreal, in Canada. If shit like this happens here, where the heck is safe?

I know that no one was hurt, killed or injured but the idea of such a violent act in my own backyard. . . .and in truth, this wasn’t really that violent of an act.

The radio news said it was a car bomb, not a fire bomb – but I can’t find a story online without subscibing to an online newspaper. . . . The radio news said it was a home made bomb, probably something someone looked up on the internet to make.

I’ve always felt a bit descenstized about violent current events, like 9/11, the war in Iraq, the train bombs in London, Columbine. . . . (although I always make a point of remembering where I was when the events happen)

I’m Canadian. . . . . nothing like this happens here, nothing like this happens to me.

Naked Sundays at Dutch Gym

source

By TOBY STERLING, Associated Press Writer Fri Feb 2, 5:33 PM ET

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – Self-conscious about what you wear while working out? A Dutch gym plans to introduce “Naked Sunday” for people who like to huff and puff in the buff.

Patrick de Man, owner of Fitworld gym in the town of Heteren, said he got the idea in part from two of his customers who are avid nudists.

“I heard that some other gyms are offering courses on ‘pole-dancing’ as a sport, so I thought: Why not bring something new to the market?” de Man said.

He said the response had been overwhelming — positive and negative.

The 70,000-member Dutch Federation of Naturists was curious to see if Fitworld’s plan would work, spokesman Bernd Huiser said.

“We recently conducted a large survey among our members, and most prefer to exercise with their clothes on,” he said. “The most popular activities (for nudists) are things you do outdoors, like walking on the beach, or swimming in a lake, or maybe gardening.”

De Man said the first question Fitworld customers were asking was whether it would be sanitary.

Nude exercisers would be required to put towels down on weight machines and to use disposable seat covers while riding bikes. All machines would be cleaned and disinfected afterward. “We clean them every day anyway,” he said.

The first “Naked Sunday” is scheduled for March 4.

EWWWWWWW, I’d hate to use the bike after an old naked sweaty guy.  But you’d certainly get into shape quickly that way.

Its nice they are supporting and offering services for all their varied clientel.

RIP My Breast Buddy

Just this week I did a quiz about my celebrity boob twin, and in a bizarre twist of fate my Boob Twin ANNA NICOLE SMITH passed away today.

Perhaps I should have hoped for Dolly Parton afterall.

RIP Anna Nicole, it was a hard ride for you.

 

Source   Source

WWII Vet Claims $254 Million Powerball Jackpot

source

CHESTERFIELD, Mo. — A retired electrician and World War II veteran is the winner of the largest lottery jackpot ever won in Missouri.

Eighty-four-year-old Jim Wilson II came forward Monday to claim the $254 million Powerball jackpot from last Wednesday’s drawing.

Wilson, his wife Shirley and their three sons have been buying family Powerball tickets for years with the understanding that they’d share any winnings with each other. All are from the St. Louis area.

It’s the largest prize in the Missouri Lottery’s 21-year history and the seventh-largest Powerball jackpot ever.

Lucky Guy!! 

Barbaro The Race Horse

Does anyone else think all the hoopla over Barbaro again is like flogging a dead horse.

oh wait. .  . . .

 

RIP Barbaro : Source

Man Bites Dog: Breed Specific Legislation

A good friend of mine, who is an animal lover and an owner of an American Pit Bull dog, wrote a real eye opener of an article about BSL (Breed Specific Legislation). Please take a moment to read it.  The original article can be found here: Source from the I HEART PAWS website.

Remember, there are no bad dogs – just bad dog owners!

—————————————————————————————————–

MAN BITES DOG: Breed Specific Legislation: 

“An age is called Dark, not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it” – James MichenerBreed Specific Legislation- a law, policy or ordinance that applies to a specific dog breed or breeds, but does not affect any others.The main goal of BSL is to completely eliminate the breed which is restricted by various means.

Genocide- the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group. – dictionary.com

Holocaust- any mass slaughter or reckless destruction of life. – dictionary.com

Since mass communication and the media commenced, a number of dog breeds have suffered great popularity.An influential happening that causes the masses to seek a specific breed of dog.This could range from a motion picture (101 Dalmatians), a commercial (Bud Light’s Bull Terrier, Spuds McKenzie), a television show (“Eddie” Moose from ‘Frasier’), or even an unfortunate event (Diane Whipple being killed by two dogs of the Perro de Presa Canario breed).Suddenly the demand overpowers the supply causing commercial breeders (puppy mills), and backyard breeders to hastily mass produce puppies for profit. “Breeding for the worse of the breed”- this always results in a decrease of breed quality in regards to both health and temperament.

Unfortunately due to irresponsible owners and/or media hype, specific dog breeds have become victim to “stereotypical” beliefs.For example: certain breeds of dog are inherently dangerous.Throughout time various dogs have gotten reputations based on media coverage and irresponsible owners.Several various breeds have been labeled “dangerous” during its turn as a “fad breed” including Great Danes, Pit Bull’s, German Shepherd Dogs, Doberman Pinschers, Rottweilers and many more.

Below is an excerpt taken from the book “Cesar’s Way”- written by Cesar Millan, renowned canine behaviorist regarding interaction with dogs: (they must be viewed)

“First, as:

1.Animal
2.Species: dog (Canis familiaris)

Then, as

3. Breed (Chihuahua, Great Dane, collie, etc.)

And last and least important

4. Name (personality)”

As you can see, a dog regardless of breed is first an animal, secondly a dog and then a breed.If this chart were turned in comparison to humans we would first be animals, then (species) human, then race.Would it be fair to stereotype an entire race based on good or bad experiences with only a few?

“It is true that Pit Bulls grab and hold on. But what they most often grab and refuse to let go of is your heart, not your arm.”- Vicki Hearne

“The picture I was offered, of the man jogging innocently by and the two dogs attacking and killing “out of nowhere” and “for no reason” simply did not make sense.I also found myself worried silly, because I have always suspected that it is expensive getting a Dog Bites Man item on the desk of a major newscaster, and I wondered who had paid for the crisis… I also assumed that in Ohio someone was mounting a statewide pit bull ban… And so I heard Dan Rather reporting on what sounded like something out of a horror flick, and assumed that some senator in Ohio was using pit bulls as a campaign issue, and this proved to be the case.A few months after that broadcast, Ohio passed what must be a singularly unconstitutional law, declaring that any animal of the breed commonly known as pit bulldog was prima facie vicious for purposes of that law…- Vicki Hearne pg. 12 “Bandit: Dossier of a Dangerous Dog”

Addressing common Pit Bull myths:

Pit Bulls attack more people than any other breed:

Bite statistics are extremely difficult to obtain accurately. Dogs that are referred to as “Pit Bulls” in statistical reports are factually a broad variety of breeds and mixes all lumped together under the term “Pit Bull”. Additionally, many people have a complicated time properly identifying a true Pit Bull from countless other breeds and mixes.Within the statistics are high volumes of dogs that have been misidentified.

Taking these matters into account, the true numbers of attacks attributable to American Pit Bull Terriers are considerably lower than represented. It is also vital to understand that the extreme popularity of the Pit Bull and pit bull-type breeds plays a huge role. By many estimates, Pit Bull breeds and mixes represent the most popular of all dog breeds. It is only logical to understand that the breed with a higher volume in population would be represented with a higher volume of bites.

According to older statistical reports for the Center of Disease Control, one will see that trends in breed popularity reflect in the number of bites attributed to a specific breed during a specific period of time.

At the same time there is no statistical proof that more bites occur by Pit Bull breeds or mixes.Whereas there is proof that negative Pit Bull related incidents make the media headlines far more often than negative press of other breeds.

Pit Bulls brains swell/never stop growing:

“This rumor started with the Doberman, and has since been said about game-bred dogs in general. The concept of an animal’s brain swelling or growing too large and somehow causing the animal to “go crazy” is not based in truth in any way.

Their brains grow at the same rate as any other dog, and the only time that a Pit Bull’s brain is going to swell is if it receives a serious injury. If an animal’s brain were to grow too big for its head, the animal would die.” – PitBullLovers.com

Dogs react in the moment by triggering previous training and experiences.There are always reasons for a dog’s behavior, and when aggression arises the reasons can be caused by improper handling or an unknowledgeable/irresponsible dog owner, lack of socialization or training, a misreading of dog behavior by the owner and physical or mental ailment in rare accounts. Point being, dogs don’t “snap”, and the dogs that will develop behavioral issues cannot be determined by breed.

Pit Bulls have “lock jaw”:

Pit Bull breeds were bred from several other breeds of dog, how can they suddenly develop a major evolutionary change such as this?There is no scientific proof that there has ever been a “locking mechanism” found in the jaw of any Pit Bull breed, or any dog for that matter.This is purely another scare tactic used to wrongfully instill fear into the public regarding Pit Bull breeds.

Pit Bulls are the guardian’s of drug dens:

One matter that I find disturbing is that Pit Bull breeds are believed by some to be the “guardian’s of drug dens”.Firstly, a true Pit Bull should not excel at being a guard dog.Pit Bull breeds are known for their welcoming personality towards all humans- even strangers, which in turn makes them terrible guard dogs.To standard, a Pit Bull would not only have to be poorly bred but intensely conditioned to show the aggression imagined in this stereotype.

Pit Bulls are bulletproof:

My response to this should simply be that Pit Bulls will be bulletproof when pigs fly.The only way a bullet will “bounce” off of any dog would be if they were wearing bulletproof attire. In short, Pit Bulls are NOT bulletproof. In fact a Pit Bulls skin is no tougher or less prone to injury than any other breed of dog.An American Pit Bull Terrier is a dog- they do not have super powers.

Pit Bulls are inherently vicious:

I hate to call anyone bluntly ignorant, yet in this case it applies. Anyone who states that “Pit Bull breeds are vicious” is purely ignorant on the matter at hand.Firstly, a breed of dog cannot be deemed vicious.This is what I like to call “breedism” and is comparable to racism against humans.Only specific dogs can be vicious, not breeds.Generally, dogs that become vicious are taught this behavior through nurture.
(Continued at Source . . . . Article)